Father's Day

...from Lieutenant Steve Rose, Sandy Springs Police (a very funny cop)

Father’s Day is again upon us.

In all honesty, it is not regarded as critical as Mother’s Day or Valentine’s Day. Mother’s Day is the top of the sin list should you miss it. No one will sympathize with you regardless of how drastic your story is as to why you missed it.

Among the reasons you should not miss Mother’s Day are:
a. 365 days of guilt to look forward to.
b. Weekly phone conversations with your mom where she slips into the conversation: “Oh that’s right, you forgot to call me on Mother’s Day. Your brother and sister called me—twice.”
c. Mothers can summon up bolts of lightning at will.

If you miss Valentine’s Day, well guys, I guess you all know the punishment for that. I don’t need to be specific.

Father’s Day is said to have been created to “compliment” Mother’s Day, meaning we were behind the curve to begin with. Father’s Day celebrates fatherhood, (the easy part) and male parenting, (the hard part, also known as why we drink.)

The first observance of Father's Day is believed to have been held on June 19, 1910 through the efforts of Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington. After listening to a church sermon about the newly recognized Mother's Day, Dodd felt strongly that fatherhood needed recognition, as well. She approached her father one afternoon as he worked on the family’s horseless buggy and told him: “Father, I proclaim this day Father’s Day! Each year on this day I will honor you with a gift and a corny greeting card.” With that, she gave him a half-inch socket wrench. He took the gift, kissed his daughter on the forehead, looked at his gift and fondly said to his daughter: “What the hell is a socket wrench?”

For me, Father’s Day is “New Tool” Day. I own many but dads can never have too many tools. I don’t use them all the time but sometimes you need to own them just to have them on display in the case you host a couple’s shower. You’ve got to inject a little guy stuff into a couple’s shower or the man will suffer a drastic loss of testosterone and die within minutes.

If you do host a couple’s shower, you’re obligated by law to give the guys a tour of the basement where you gather in the work room. If you have a basement bar, gather there and talk about football to ward off the initial shock of having to attend a couple’s shower. Then, when it’s safe, move to the work room. (If you don’t have a work room. Stop reading now because none of this will do you any good.)

“And this is the tool room. Check out that 750 gallon air compressor over there! I can blow my leaves two houses over and never leave the room!”

“Hey guys? Can you come back upstairs? We’re about to start playing really cute couple’s showers games.”

“Quick! Grab the miter saw. Make a few cuts in that piece of crown molding and then put these lag bolts in your pocket! If she tries to get you to open the pink bag, pull the lag bolts out and hold them in front of you. It will form a protective shield giving you time to run.”

I can’t imagine Father’s Day without the ceremonial Giving of the Tool. That’s why Father’s Day is so easy. You don’t have to think. Just go to the super-sized hardware store and pick an aisle. Then, buy stuff.
It doesn’t need to be stuff that he needs. Even if he doesn’t need it, he’ll have in case he does need it someday. I have a six-foot long crescent wrench just in case someone’s earth-mover breaks down in front of my house.

Sure, you can go with the always-easy gift card but let’s say you’re one of four siblings. It’s perfectly fine to get the gift card but why not finish in first place among the other rug-rats by presenting the gift card in a 72" Extreme Tool Box 17 Drawer Triple Bank Professional Tool Cabinet? Sure, they’re priced at just over three-thousand bucks but dad will love it! Don’t forget. There’s going to be a will someday.

Well, if tools aren’t the thing for dad, and I can’t imagine why it wouldn’t be, then why not buy the same old golf-shirt-with-the-pocket gift you got him for the last seven years?
I’ll tell you why!
HE WANTS TOOLS THAT’S WHY!!

Can you imagine what your father will be able to say next week at the 4:30 “early-bird dinner” when your mother and father sit down with the Petersons and Mrs. Peterson says: “Melvin just got his Father’s Day gift from Melvin, Jr. It’s a nice golf shirt with a pocket in it. See? Melvin! Sit up and let them see the shirt!

Your dad: “Really Melvin? That’s nice. Gee, what did I get?
I’ll tell you what I got Melvin!! I got a 72" Extreme Tool Box 17 Drawer Triple Bank Professional Tool Cabinet. That baby has 43,500 cubic inches of space holding seventeen roller-bearing drawers which are able to hold up to 600 pounds of weight—all secured by the state-of-the-art tubular coated locking system—yes! I said tubular coated locking system because it’s complicated! I don’t know what that means but anything with the word “tubular” in it must mean business!!!”

“Oh yes, I’ll have the salmon.”

Happy Father’s Day you dads out there!

Romney: Personal Information

Personal Information:

His full Name is:  Willard Mitt Romney

He was Born:  March 12,1947and is 65 years old.

His Father:  George W. Romney, former Governor of the State of Michigan

He was raised in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan

He is married to Ann Romney since 1969; they have five children.

Education:
B.A. from Brigham Young University,

J.D. and M.B.A. from Harvard University

Religion:
Mormon - The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints

Working Background:

After high school, he spent 30 months in France as a Mormon missionary.

After going to both Harvard Business School and Harvard Law School simultaneously, he passed the Michigan bar exam, but never worked as an attorney.

In 1984, he co-founded Bain Capital a private equity investment firm, one of the largest such firms in the United States .

In 1994, he ran for Senator of Massachusetts and lost to Ted Kennedy.

He was President and CEO of the 2002 Winter Olympic Games.

In 2002, he was elected Governor of the State of Massachusetts where he eliminated a 1.5 billion deficit.

Some Interesting Facts about Romney:

Bain Capital, starting with one small office supply store in Massachusetts, turned it into Staples; now over 2,000 stores employing 90,000 people.

Bain Capital also worked to perform the same kinds of business miracles again and again, with companies like Domino's, Sealy, Brookstone, Weather Channel, Burger King, Warner Music Group, Dollarama, Home Depot Supply, and many others.

He was an unpaid volunteer campaign worker for his dad's gubernatorial campaign 1 year.

He was an unpaid intern in his dad's governor's office for eight years.

He was an unpaid bishop and state president of his church for ten years.

He was an unpaid President of the Salt Lake Olympic Committee for three years.

He took no salary and was the unpaid Governor of Massachusetts for four years.

He gave his entire inheritance from his father to charity.

Mitt Romney is one of the wealthiest "self-made men" in our country but has given more back to its citizens in terms of money, service and time than most men.

In 2011 Mitt Romney gave over $4 million to charity, almost 19% of his income.... Just for comparison purposes, Obama gave 1% and Joe Biden gave $300 or .0013%.

Mitt Romney is Trustworthy:

He will show us his birth certificate

He will show us his high school and college transcripts.

He will show us his social security card.

He will show us his law degree.

He will show us his draft notice.

He will show us his medical records.

He will show us his income tax records.

He will show us he has nothing to hide.

Mitt Romney's background, experience and trustworthiness show him to be a
great leader and an excellent citizen for President of the United States.

You may think that Romney may not be the best representative the Republicans could have selected.

At least I know what religion he is, and that he won't desecrate the flag, bow down to foreign powers, or practice fiscal irresponsibility.

I know he has the ability to turn this financial debacle that the current regime has gotten us into.

We won't like all the things necessary to recover from this debt, but someone with Romney's background can do it.

But, on the minus side, He never was a "Community Organizer", never took drugs or smoked pot, never got drunk, did not associate with communists or terrorists, nor did he attend a church whose pastor called for God to damn the U.S.

You should know the difference between the men running for America's top office.

A Jeffersonian Review: The Pragmatic Prophet

Many will have seen this already, but it is so worthy of sharing I felt compelled to put it out there again. Be sure to read the quotes at the bottom from Jefferson himslef, and take a moment to reflect upon how the state of our nation today makes a brilliant case for the clarity of Thomas Jefferson's vision.

Jefferson the Scholar:

Jefferson was a remarkable man who began his learning very early in life and never stopped. 

• At 5, he began studying under his cousins' tutor.
• At 9, he studied Latin, Greek and French.
• At 14, he studied classical literature and additional languages.
• At 16, he entered the  College of William  and Mary.
• At 19, he studied Law for 5 years, starting under George Wythe.
• At 23, he started his own law practice.
• At 25, he was elected to the Virginia House of Burgesses.
• At 31, he wrote the widely circulated "Summary View of the Rights of British America " and retired from his law practice.
• At 32, he was a Delegate to the Second Continental Congress.
• At 33,he wrote the Declaration of Independence.
• At 33, he took three years to revise Virginia 's legal code and wrote a Public Education bill and a statute for Religious Freedom
• At 36, he was elected the second Governor of Virginia succeeding Patrick Henry.
• At 40, he served in Congress for two years.
• At 41, he was the American minister to France and negotiated commercial treaties with European nations along with Ben Franklin and John Adams.
• At 46, he served as the first Secretary of State under George Washington.
• At 53, he served as Vice President and was elected president of the American Philosophical Society.
• At 55,he drafted the Kentucky Resolutions and became the active head of Republican Party.
• At 57, he was elected the third president of the United States .
• At 60, he obtained the Louisiana Purchase , doubling the nation's size.
• At 61, he was elected to a second term as President.
• At 65, he retired to Monticello .
• At 80, he helped President Monroe shape the Monroe Doctrine.
• At 81, he almost singlehandedly created the University of
• Virginia and served as its first president.
• At 83, he died, on the 50th anniversary of the Signing of the Declaration of Independence along with John Adams

  

JFK on Jefferson:

John F. Kennedy held a dinner in the white House for a group of the brightest minds in the nation at that time. He made this statement:

"This is perhaps the assembly of the most intelligence ever to gather at one time in the White House with the exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."

Jefferson the Visionary:

Thomas Jefferson knew because he himself had studied the previously failed attempts at government. He understood actual history, the nature of God, God's laws, and the nature of man. That happens to be way more than what most understand today. His is a voice from the past to lead us into the future.

"When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe , we shall become as corrupt as Europe."

   

 "The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."

"It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes, a principle which if acted on, would save one-half the wars of the world."

  

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."

    

"My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government."
   
"No free man shall ever be deprived the use of arms."
   
"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."
   
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
   
"To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical."  
Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:

"I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property - until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered."

Taliban & Al Qaeda Memo:

Subject: Urgent Strategy Update

Audience: All Middle Eastern Terror Operatives

Effective immediately, all employees and support staffers are asked to take their remaining PTO (Personal Time Off) between now and the end of the infidel's calendar year. Leadership also demands you to finish chores related local poppy crops in order to ensure that element of the organizational funding model is ready for the updated plans now being shaped for 2012 (infidel's calendar).

If you are currently working in our Afghanistan or Pakistan regional offices, please also stop by your local relocation hut and start looking for new accommodations in the soon to be revitalized Iraqi business unit.

Go now and spend your down time wisely, so that we may reconvene in 150 days with the business of forcing our screwed up vision of the world on others through violent and deplorable actions. Also, please keep close watch over your thumb drives, and an eye on your  inboxes for the new annual report and announcements relating to plans for whipping more women who try to learn, vote or drive.

Sincerely,

Ali Isanazho

Regional VP

Life Explained

Life Explained

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village. A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took them to catch them.

"Not very long." they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children,and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?"

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?"

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friends, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

And the moral of this story is:

........ Know where you're going in life. You may already be there!!

Subject Mastery in Vietnam: Can Corporate Trainers Learn From This?

My cousin Kenny was a Blackhawk test pilot, and he recently sent me this very short story about a door gunner being quizzed by a General inspecting his unit about his weapon. As I read it I saw yet another example of how well the military trains to "mastery".

Here's the connection with this story: ADD/ADHD learners often have difficulty achieving subject mastery. We have a tendency to tackle (or not tackle) varied learning and development opportunities to Bloom's level 3, perhaps 4 (3. Application, 4. Analysis), but often move on to the next task, subject, distraction before ever mastering anything. At least that's what my own "data set" indicates. The following story raises questions about how we train in the corporate space:

1. Given that today's military, and specifically the Army in this example, is still very good at driving learners through the entire learning process to "mastery", what's the Army doing that can be applied to corporate training practices?
2. Is putting "teeth" into training and mandating compliance like the Army does part of becoming a "learning centric organization"?
3. Do your people know the tools and solutions they use in their jobs like Spc. Coomb's did?

The Man in the Doorway

Thinking back on how VERY much credit they TRULY deserved and how little we pilots actually gave them, I'm reminded of one particular day on which, at least in the eyes of one Army General Grade officer, our "Men in the Doorway" got a well-deserved "Atta'Boy."

On that particular day, elements of the UTT/68th/197th Armed Helicopter Company's 1st Platoon [ Playboys ] had been held back from tactical missions and told to "Set up a 'static display' for a visiting General." on our ramp [ Hotel 2 ] at the North side of Saigon's Tan Son
Nhut Air Base.

[ Then ] Captain Richard S. Jarrett directed the assigned crew to set up an Armed B-Model [ UH-1B ] Huey -- with a "Complete Spread" of ordnance, including the aircraft's full compliment of: 2.75" FFARs [Folding Fin Aerial Rockets]; four Mounted & two Hand-Held M-60 Machine Guns; one M-14 Rifle, with several magazines of 7.62mm ammo.; one M-79 Grenade Launcher, with several bandoleers of 40mm Grenade rounds, and 'Half a Bazillion" rounds of linked 7.62mm ammo. laid out on the tarmac in neat columns and rows.

I don't recall who the other Crewmen were but, when the General arrived, Specialist Coombs was standing at Attention, next to his door, with his M-60 at Port Arms.

Capt. Jarrett saluted and reported to the General and proceeded with giving him a "Standard, Visiting Fireman's" Walk-Around Briefing. As they came abreast of Spc. Coombs' position and Capt. Jarrett began describing a Crew Chief's duties, the General interrupted the briefing, addressed Spc. Coombs directly, pointed at his M-60 and, in a clearly sarcastic tone, asked "Son, ya' know how to use that damned thing or do ya' just stand around holdin' it an' lookin' purty?"

Without missing a beat, Coombs boomed out, "SIR, this is my M-60, General Purpose, Seventeen point Five Pound, Air Cooled, Gas Operated, Belt Fed, Fully Automatic, Seven point Six Two millimeter Machine Gun. It has a Maximum Effective Range of Three Thousand Seven Hundred Fifty Meters and a Cyclic Rate of Fire of Five Hundred and Fifty Rounds per Minute. It fires when I pull the trigger in the open-bolt position, at which time multiple things occur, both simultaneously and sequentially, including: with release and advancement of this bolt, a metal belt link is de-linked and ejected as the bolt simultaneously begins to chamber the de-linked round. This is immediately followed, sequentially, with operating rod and bolt advancement and initiation of the bolt's locking sequence. When the bolt is fully locked, the sear releases the firing pin which strikes the primer...as the projectile approaches the muzzle, a portion of the ignited powder's expanding gasses enter this gas port, actuating the Buffer and Operating Rod Group, compressing the Driving Spring and driving the Operating Rod to the rear, unlocking the bolt and..." all while, griping the M-60 by its Stock Group with his left hand, Coombs field strips the M-60 with his right hand [displaying each part for the General to view -- at the precise moment that he is making verbal reference to that part] and lays each part, in sequential order and "at Dress Right Dress" on his outstretched left forearm.

When the M-60 was fully disassembled, Coombs began reassembling it -- while continuing the staccato delivery of his spiel, deftly shifting its focus, ". ..As Crew Chief, my duty position is here in the left cargo compartment door. My Field of Fire extends from Three Five Niner Degrees to One Eight Zero Degrees, which is my Sector of Responsibility at all times. My instantaneously initiated, sustained and accurate application of Suppressive Fire is most critical at times when our aircraft is receiving hostile fire from my Sector of Responsibility and when my Aircraft Commander is making a "Right Break" from a Fire Mission, during which time my side of the aircraft is exposed to the Target Area..." and, as he snapped the Feed Tray Cover closed and returned to Port Arms, he wrapped-up his impromptu briefing with "...That concludes my formal presentation. I would be pleased to answer any questions you may have, SIR!"

The General, mouth agape and slowly shaking his head and with a Deer in the Headlights" look of near-total disbelief at what he had just witnessed, looked to Capt. Jarrett and asked, "Damn Captain, are they ALL like that?"

In response to which, Capt. Jarrett leaned over and -- with his mouth near the General's ear, in a "Stage Whisper" that Coombs could evidently hear -- said, "Every F.....g one of them, General."

A Word on Voting From a Dead Senator

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.
In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...”

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell...

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted.."

Vote wisely on November 2, 2010